Power Tools and the Lady DIYer

I am a lady DIYer. I have power tools. Well. I have a drill and an electric sander device. I am scared of my power tools. Is this because I am a lady? Or is this because I'm intimidated by all those images of Not-Ladies with Powertools that you can see on some music channels?

Benny Benassi: Satisfaction

Posted Jan 09, 2004

Red lipstick, skimpy bikinis, wet cleavage and women with power tools.

I am female. I do own bikinis, baby oil, denim cut-off hotpants and lip gloss. So I guess I really could go for the whole Powertool Babe look. I guess wearing sunglasses while I sand could even be an important safety precaution.

But. I'm afraid I'm just a Lady DIYer. Someone who likes Someone Stronger to do the drill stuff. And the heavy lifting. Actually I think at heart I'm not a Lady DIYer. I think I'd rather be a Lady who Lunches. But beggars and choosers...beggars and choosers...

The Stupid Flat is making my Hands Bleed

It's not OK for my flat to make my hands bleed. It's really not. I understand that I'm not using sandpaper or chemicals properly...and this is probably to blame for the condition of my hands, but REALLY! Poor little flayed fingers...my DNA dripping into the Dulux white gloss...skin cells slicking across the ceiling.

Yuck! I wouldn't buy my flat. It's like a great big wound >:(

So I want to have a DIY party. This is my flat warming, decorating and leaving party all in one. The idea is Lots of People come, I get to wear glitter and sparkles and be most entertaining, the Lots of People wield paintbrushes and rub with sandpaper lots better than I do, and I drink. Lots. There are all sorts of bottles containing solventy type liquids, so I'm sure we could add another dimension to the enjoyment factor.

And at the end of it all, I would have a flat that's ready for sale. But maybe not saleable...

WHY IS NOTHING AS SIMPLE AS A BOWL OF RICE KRISPIES WITH TOO MUCH SUGAR ON TOP???

The Kitchen is B*tching

Well. Sort of. I mean it's mostly installed. There's just a few wee bits n pieces they're gonna finish off tomorrow...but it's weird!

First of all the shiny new bits make all the other bits look dreadful. I know that plasterboard with no tiles, no paint but some holes doesn't ever look great. But it looks worse now.

Second of all the kitchen seems much bigger now. How??? I mean there's loads of space being taken up with cupboards etc. But the floor space seems bigger and the appliances smaller...

Third of all...the kitchen being mostly installed and the nice joiner man coming back to finish off my bookshelves and sort the electrics means that the rest of the work on the flat is entirely my responsibility.

*shivers*

So. Next week. Me. A drill. Some paintbrushes. A saw. A ladder. And a whole lotta graft...

I guess I'll celebrate when it's all done. Maybe light me a nice bonfire or something...

Insomnia or Aerosol Addict?

As I write this, the birds outside my flat are singing. The sky is brightening. And it is 4 in the morning (although the dawning has not woke up the wanting in me)...

This time 12 hours ago I woke up from a very nice sleep. And found myself instantly awake planning things. I have lots to plan. Exciting things. Boring things. Important things. But I would rather've had loads of sleep than the planning time.

I had a shower, did some thinking and then went back to bed at 6.30 am. I woke again at 10.30 am, a bit astonished to find that I'd slept that long. I was still sniffly and achey, with the sore throat thing, so I didn't achieve everything I wanted to achieve, including finishing a proposal for an Irish-language learning website and attending my sister's leaving do (fabulous hairdressing party, with lots of intimidatingly gorgeous young wans).

But I did
- catch up on some phone calls
- catch up on some texts
- paint my living room cupboard in preparation for it becoming a bookcase
- prime my bathroom radiator
- finish tiling my bathroom floor
- win at Spider Solitaire
- come up with some new language learning ideas
- saw to size 2 of 18 wood panel bits for the side of my bath
- spray paint my bathroom radiator silver

Spray painting your bathroom radiator at 1 in the morning is not a good idea. Now either I'm madly creative normally and being this wide awake is a normal side effect of working hard all day and being tired out, or the aerosol made me high as a kite.

I suspect I'm high as a kite. As a matter of fact, I don't see, right now, why I shouldn't just go wallpaper the spare bedroom and my own bedroom while I'm awake. And write up those 10 brilliant language-learning ideas I've had. And finish my novel.

And another thing. Try finding a photograph of an insomniac who looks wide awake and buzzing. They're all bloody yawning ladies in silky pyjamas. How annoying.

Anyway. It's after 4 in the morning and the birds are getting louder. Perhaps they'll lullaby me to sleep. Or perhaps I'll crack open the ould radiator paint again...