Unflatpackmykitchen.com

Earlier I blogged about the feeling of growed-upness that can be achieved by purchasing a kitchen from B&Q. The feeling of growed-upness has since developed into a kind of crushing worldweariness, where the kitchen has become a millstone around my tired neck and I am underachieving by its presence in my flat.

For my kitchen was successfully delivered at the end of May. Shockingly (for me) it was delivered in flat cardboard boxes. And the delivery men did not install it. As a matter of fact, they didn't even deliver the worktop, as although my kitchen is only 2.6x2.3 metres big, the worktop came as a single 3 metre long piece. Which DID NOT fit up the stairs to my flat. And had to be taken back to the warehouse.

So 15 days later my kitchen is still flatpacked in my bedroom. The worktop is in the warehouse. I have rung about 5 different joiners, asking each for quotes on unflatpacking and installing my kitchen. All of the joiners have made promises to come out and have a look at my kitchen. But none of them have showed. And I am tired of all this.

I am contemplating selling the flat (complete with flatpacked kitchen). And perhaps with the proceeds I will buy myself a nice houseboat. Like the long skinny ones you see on English canals. I could moor it down by the Cutter's Wharf pub. And drink so much beer I get wedged in the narrow confines of my new home, and become Belfast's latest tourist attraction (Fat Trapped Lady in Boat).

It's still raining here. The places to be are:
- on a boat
- in a top-floor flat
- the Seychelles